May 14, 2006

• For Mother’s Day

  

  
  

  THE NEXT “SURVIVOR” SERIES:

  
  

  
  
  Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.
  
  Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.
  
  There is no fast food.
  
  Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of “pretend” bills with not enough money.
  In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.
  
  Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time.
  
  Each man must also take each child to a doctor’s appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.
  He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child  to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a holiday or right when they’re about to leave for vacation).
  
  He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.
  
  Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house,
  planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.
  
  The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.
  There is only one TV between them, and a remote with dead batteries.
  
  Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons.
  
  The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, which they will apply to themselves either while driving or making three lunches.
  
  Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.
  
  Each man must adorn himself with jewellery, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed.
  The men must try to get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing.
  
  During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe
  abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.
  They must try to explain what a tampon is for when the 6-yr old boy finds it in the purse.
  
  They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.
  
  He will need to read a book and then pray with the children each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00.
  They must leave the home with no food on their face or clothes.
  
  A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child’s birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor’s name.
  Also the child’s weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of
  labour, each child’s favourite colour, middle name, favourite snack, favourite song, favourite drink, favourite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.
  
  They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. and then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better.
  
  They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to, “You’re not the boss of me”.
  
  The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins — only if  he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice.
  
  If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years…eventually earning the right to be called …. MOTHER
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  My mom and I had a sort of ‘special thing’ with yellow roses. They have always been my favorite, and she would surprise me with them now and then for some special occasion. I had a special bouquet made up at my wedding with all the flowers that were special to me and my mom, it sat on the altar, then behind our seat at the reception, and later went on to my mom’s grave. Then when my dad passed away, I had one yellow rose tied in a blue ribbon tucked into his casket with him as a special thing from me, with the memory of my mom… Special memories, extra meaning for my favorite flower.
  
  My mom has been gone 25 years (on May 1) — she was with me for such a short time, and since she passed away the year after I graduated from college, I regret never having time to really get to relate to her as adults, like so many older women do. We were just barely getting past those rocky and rebellious teenage years when she was taken from my life by the Big C.

  
  

  

  
  

  My mom and I, in front of the roses that grow outside the side door of the house – Rider College graduation, 1980.  She was a professor at Rider, and we marched together at the graduation ceremony (more or less – she was in the School of Education, and I was in the School of Liberal Arts)

  
  

  Little did either of us know that less than a year later, she would be gone…

  
  

  
  So this yellow rose is in memory of my mom, and for all the moms out there as well.
  
  And please, let it be a reminder to you, that if you are lucky enough to still have your mom in your life — no matter what the condition of your relationship — to be grateful for the gift of the time you have together.
  
  

  
  
   
  
   

  • 12:02 am
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