May 23, 2003

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  The Pred Monster Returneth

  
  

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  Generic name: Methylprednisolone (meth-ill-pred-NISS-oh-lone)

  
  

  Common Uses: This medicine is a corticosteroid used to treat severe allergies, arthritis, asthma, and skin conditions. It may also be used to treat other conditions as determined by your doctor.

  
  

  Possible Side Effects: (a.k.a. “The Pred Monster”) that may go away during treatment (fat chance) include difficulty sleeping (sleep, what’s that? – bouncing off the walls is much more fun), mood changes (read=zero to bitch in less than 60 seconds), nervousness (my jitters have the jitters!), increased appetite (feed me or I will bite your head off! – did they mention irratability?), or indigestion (oh, is that what you call this incessant churning in my gut?). I have no idea why this stupid monograph from the pharmacy didn’t also include frequent urination, because this drug also makes you piddle like a nervous cocker spaniel in a room full of vacuum cleaners!

  
  

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  It must be Spring because The Pred Monster has returned. As I explained in my last entry, I went to the doctor earlier this week and part of the course of treatment for my sinus problems is for me to take a six day course of Pred. Those of you who have experienced this miracle of modern medicine may know this beast by one of it’s brand names, Prednisone or Medrone. These are usually innocuous looking little white tablets that can shrink any inflammation but not without exacting a fairly heavy toll on your body and psyche. As well as your waistline!

  
  

  

  
  

  For those of you who have never had the pleasure of meeting The Pred Monster (and I hope you never have to) this is a little explanation of the experience:

  
  

  The shortest course of treatment with pred (for me at least) is usually 6 days. It works like this: On the first day you take 6 of the harmless looking 4 mg tablets and your body says “wha…wha…what the %^&*#@&!!! ? ” This is supposed to really wallop the inflammation, I guess. Then every day after you step the dose down by one tablet, and after the sixth day when you take just one, you should be back to whatever counts as normal for your condition.

  
  

  In my case that means I can usually breathe like a normal person for at least a few weeks, and my sense of smell usually returns for almost as long. Usually the first thing I smell is something nasty, like the litter box, or the trash can. After that I get a nice scented bubble bath, spray on my favorite cologne, and then I usually make a beeline for my local gift shop or cosmetic counter and have a field day smelling all the candles. Or go to a florist shop or nursery and hang out in the greenhouse for a while. I have really learned to treasure this fragile olfactory sense, and try to fill my soul with fragrance while I can.

  
  

  

  
  

  But back to The Pred Monster. While I am enduring the treatment, which can run for 6 days, up to the longest I have had to endure, 21 days, I have to pay my dues with the side effects. Actually, it is less my payment than the people who have to cohabit with me during this time. Bernie and I have an agreement that whenever I go on this medication I must warn him first so we can prepare. That is why I waited until today to start it, even though I went to the doctor on Tuesday. He just came home from the gym and told me that he bought me a pint of ice cream on the way home. He’s well trained.

  
  

  

  
  

  Bernie never quite understood the implications of The Pred Monster until he experienced it first hand. Last winter he had a severe upper respiratory infection, and the doctor introduced him to all of its wonders. He didn’t take it very well. Bernie is not a man who is very in touch with his body to begin with, and when it starts doing really wacky things, well, that is almost too much for him to deal with. I have noticed he is far more sympathetic now when I have to take Pred.

  
  

  There is an upside. All that extra energy, combined with the steroid effects which make me fairly immune to all of my regular allergens and asthma triggers, and I can clean house like gangbusters. It makes no difference how much mold or dust I stir up, and I can’t sit still anyway! So my schedule is fairly open for the next few days, and I have lots of rooms to tackle. When I get tired of cleaning, I hope to get some painting done.

  
  

  

  
  

   

  
  

  But today, I made a mistake. I took my six pred tablets and washed them down with a 24 ounce coffee from 7-11.

  
  

  Now my body feels like an empty bag full of butterflies. Which could turn to hornets at any time.

  
  

  Back in the days when I used to do drugs, I did my share of speed. Okay, more than my share of speed. Alright, truth to be told, my share and six other people’s share of speed, okay? but I stopped doing drugs long ago, I even stopped smoking cigarettes…I am trying to take care of myself (with the exception of my occasional bucket o’coffee, which I have 2 or 3 times a week, and usually go for the decaf anyway, except today) This feeling is both unfamiliar, and too familiar in that “bringing back memories, most of them bad” sense…

  
  

  

  
  

  Well, life is full of decisions. Sometimes you make good ones, sometimes you make bonehead ones. I guess I just made a bonehead one. Well, at least there are only 5 days to go and each dose will be less.

  
  

  Now I am going to go see what’s in the kitchen to eat, and maybe wash some more dishes

  
  

  (or remodel the kitchen   )

  
  

  Bye for now!  I am sure I will be frantically typing again soon!

  
  

   

  
  

   

  • 7:00 pm
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