June 15, 2003
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Its Father’s Day
the first one without my dad.
Its too soon.
I can’t put it in words.
I did a lot of yard work today, what I consider “dirt therapy” — mostly working in my flowerbeds and planting some containers. I have some flowers put aside, I will be making a visit to the cemetery when I am alone tomorrow, to plant them in the box on my parents’ grave.
For now, I guess I will just post this for my dad:
If you have never visited the web page I made a few years ago on Memorial Day for my dad’s comrades-in-arms who lost their lives in an obscure “exercise” in WWII off the shores of Devon, England, then you may want to take a look. The link is over there <=== on the left with the links to my other pages. Once you get there, be sure to scroll down and click on the links, so you can see the whole thing. It is not exactly the way I want it to be, some day I plan on working on it again, but it is okay for now the way it is.
My dad, being the stubborn cuss he was, never would sit down at the computer and let me bring these pages up so he could see and read them. It was one of the first things I thought of when he passed away, and even mentioned it to Bernie on the way home from the hospital. Later, my cousin surprised me at the funeral by putting a printout of the first page into my dad’s coffin with him as part of her eulogy. Of course, I just about lost it completely when she did that, but I know it will be with him forever, even if he never got to see it when he was alive.
My dad’s experiences in the war, and this incident in particular, were one part of his life that he rarely spoke about and many people who knew him well knew nothing about. But the love of the sea and boats that led him to join the Navy in the first place, and stayed with him for life, was one thing he did share with me, and pass on to me. Of all my memories of my dad, the ones associated with boats and water are the best ones, the times where we actually did connect and get along, and I had a brief glimpse of the “daddy” I always wished he would be.
It wasn’t until the last decade or so that we finally figured out how to accept each other for what we each were, and finally stop fighting long enough to really talk to each other.
Dad, I am so glad we at least had some time at the end where we could relate to each other as adults, and actually get along.
I am so thankful for the bridges we mended and the time we shared.
I love you, and I miss you…
Comments (6)
Aw, hon… I’m so sorry. It was a bitter Father’s Day for me, too, but for different reason. ::tight hugs::
Blogs like this always leave me a bit speechless – don’t want to trample over another person’s feelings…
But I can see where your relationship with your dad is/was similar to mine – though we’re a generation apart… Even more similar than I’d thought.
My dad too was in the army (I didn’t mention that), he went on a ‘peace mission’ to New Guinnea in the late ’50-ties, where he was an airplane technician. He doesn’t talk about it too, but judging from the scrapbooks, it must’ve been a highlight in his life – when I was about to go to Poland for 5 months, he (for the first time) was overruling my mother (who didn’t want me to go), urging me to “go and see something from the world”…
Anyway… It *was* a different generation, our dads (taking into account that times moved slower where I am from)…
Re: Dutch boys – I am familiar with the picture… However, I was not aware that Dutch boys are different from American boys…
“Dad, I am so glad we at least had some time at the end where we could relate to each other as adults, and actually get along”.
I’m glad for you that things eventually went this way between you and your late father, and that you’ve been given the time to really get to know each other. You’re honoring him with this beautiful website you made and the blog you wrote
.
And what a sweet thing of your cousin to do that was
…
Its nine years nearly for me since my father died. I made my peace with him, just a few weeks before he passed away. I’m glad I did.
Just hugs to you
The firsts are always the hardest. At least they were for me. The pain never goes away, but it does get tolerable. I still cry, but I find that now I do so over happy things that I remember.
The best thing I ever did was forgive him before he passed away.
(((HUGS)))
That was beautiful. The first father’s day after my dad died was very hard for me too. I bring him flowers every year and talk to him and it helps a little. Your tribute to him speaks volumes to your love for him.