More answers –

and Last Call for Questions!

continuing on this challenge I posted in my two previous entries:

“I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about.
Then post this in your Xanga and find out what people don’t know about you.”

While I have been away for the past few days, I received more questions — again, some which are inspiring me to spend more time on them than just a quick answer — real good material for blogging, I think.

But for now I will just go through the latest questions left in my comments:

on 7/3/2004 at 1:49 PM dart99 asked:

“I realize your spirituality is a major part of your life. Do you have a formal path? like Wicca, Christianity, or is it a general search?”

I suppose you could say it is a semi-formal path (ever the noncommital one, this drumr) when I was growing up I attended a very liberal protestant (Presbyterian) church, with the Sunday School/Vacation Bible School/Teen Youth Group stuff that went along with it, and a mother who was an elder in the church and involved with Christian Education and the campus ecumenical ministry committee at Rider College (where she was a professor, and I later got my BA degree) as young people in the church we were encouraged to experience other people’s worship services and look for the similarities between spiritual paths — to “build bridges, not walls” — this was one big influence on my early spiritual growth.

The other one was my grandparents, who lived next door and had a huge part in raising us, since both of my parents worked long hours and so we spent lots of time with the grandparents. They even went with us on family vacations. My grandpartents were not church-goers (except for the occasional wedding or grandchild’s baptism) or overtly religious, but were very spiritual in their own respect. Grandmom spent many hours with us in the gardens and in the woods, sharing the wonders of Nature and teaching us of Her wisdom. Grandpop had infinite patience with inquisitive kids hanging around in the fields, garage and workshop, and never hesitated to lend a hand with anything anybody needed help with, or share anything he could. He taught us by example the way of true peace and compassion.

Later on, I minored in philosophy in college and chose a course of metaphysics-centered study that would today be called “comparative religion” with a smattering of aesthetics classes that complimented my Fine Arts major.

All of these influences led me to finding my own unique spiritual direction, which is a synthesis of everything I have absorbed in all aspects of my life since I was a child. If I have to define it I would call it generic Pagan, as it is a very earth-centered, pan- and poly- theistic path with an underlying monotheistic pillar –My personal Higher Power can be explained in its most simplistic by this definition — the basic Force of the Universe (mono-theistic — Creator, Logos, Spirit, The One) in all of Its Aspects (poly-theistic — the various incarnations of Goddess/God and their respective mythos), which are reflected in the unifying Spirit which inhabits all things (pan-theistic — all things: stones, plants, animals, people, the Elements, the very Earth itself, contain Spirit, Vibrations, Energies, Wisdom — a reflection or a small part of The One)

I tend to incorporate a lot of Wiccan tradition in to my personal practices, but I do not at this point in my life consider myself Wiccan as such, as I do not adhere strictly to any established Wiccan tradition or belong to any group. As a solitary worshipper, I have the freedom to commune directly with my Higher Power in any way I feel comfortable, but when I join with any group, be it a Wiccan circle, or even a Christian Church, I am comfortable in conforming with their practices for the duration. I am fairly well aquainted witht he “protocol” of many spiritual paths and have the ability in my yeart to just connect with the parts that work for me, and let the rest go — out of respect for the unique spiritual paths of all individuals, and their right to follow them.

The only time I have a problem is when another person feels compelled to change my spiritual direction. When irreconcilable differences occur, I try to be polite and respectful, and do what I can to build those bridges, but sometimes when minds are closed or narrow the best thing I can do is just walk away. I am not prone to arguing theology, but will gladly share in any rational and open-minded excahnge of ideas and explanation of beliefs. I feel there are, indeed many paths up the mountain, and we all pretty much are climbing toward the same summit.

on 7/6/2004 at 4:47 AM Anam asked:

“did you purposely choose not to have children?  If so, why?  Or was there some other factor, like medical etc.”

Ah, this used to be one of my personal tender spots, but I have made my peace with it over the years. I may as well shar e it, too, while I am baring my soul…

I have an infertility issue. I know I have not always been infertile, because I got pregnant in college on my 19th birthday and my parents talked me into having an abortion, with the understanding that I would have many more chances later after I graduated college and my life was more settled. My life didn’t settle any time soon, partly due to the repurcussions of my decision to terminate that pregancy, which led to the end of the relationship with the fahter, who I really loved, which sent me into a total emotional taillspin (in retrospect, probably a nervous breakdown of sorts) and several lost years where I tried anything I could to forget the pain. Then in my late twenties I stopped ovulating and my menstrual cycles also stopped. Hormone tests showed that it wasn’t premature menopause, because my estrogen levels were still high. For years I was under the impression that it was a result of fibrocystic ovaries, and was on birth control pills to artificially regulate my cycles.

Bernie and I chose not to undergo the extensive, costly and uncertain fertility treatments that may have made it possible to have a baby. We just were not ready to open ourselves up to the emotional rollercoaster that can be. Instead we chose to accept the wisdom of Higher Power in not choosing me for motherhood. And I continued to be everyone’s favorite aunt.

When I recently discovered I have Hashimoto’s Disease (a laregely hereditary autoimmune disease that destroys the thyroid) it seems that it was the cause of the infertility, rather than an ovarian condition. In retrospect, the cessation of my menstrual periods coincided with other symptoms that probably signaled the onset of the diseas in my mid-twenties. If I had been diagnosed and treated earlier…

Oh well, “water under the bridge”, as they say…

and “relating to the above, do you ever regret not having them or feel you are now lacking in some way?”

Like I said, I have made peace with it. I have the occasional twinge of that maternal instinct. The dogs do help a bit, like I explained in my last entry, but more than that, I have faith that things unfold in one’s life the way that they are meant to.

I do not regret missing out on the birthing procedure itself, all I can say to those moms out there is “wow” I can’t imagine how painful that would be! I did, during my brief pregnancy, experience some of the worst aspects of the first trimester — morning sickness, exhaustion, mood swings…and I was not anxious to do that again. I do, however, wish I could have experienced the feeling of a baby moving inside me, and the bonding experience of nursing a baby.

I am so much in awe of women’s abilities to produce and nourish new life from their bodies, and am always honored when one of my female friends or relatives lets me share in any small way with this miracle. I guess being childless has made me appreciate this miracle even more.

also: “You often post song lyrics, what, if you can narrow it down…would be your most favorite, meaningful song (aka lyrics) of all time…and explain why they are so meaningful”

That’s really a difficult one. I can’t really say that any one song is my favorite. One that has special meaning for me is my favorite Grateful Dead song — “Stella Blue” — it speaks of life, and what is important, of what is left when all the rest is gone. It is a sort of a sad song, but not really, deep down, it has the same melancholia that underlies life itself, but also a poignant beauty and light of its own. It addresses regrets, or maybe the lack of them, and disappointment, and hope, new beginnings, all the things that make up the Human Condition.  

Stella Blue

Hunter/Garcia

All the years combine
they melt into a dream
A broken angel sings
from a guitar
In the end there’s just a song
comes crying like the wind
through all the broken dreams
and vanished years
Stella Blue

When all the cards are down
there’s nothing left to see
There’s just the pavement left
and broken dreams
In the end there’s still that song
comes crying like the wind
down every lonely street
that’s ever been
Stella Blue

I’ve stayed in every blue light cheap hotel
Can’t win for trying
Dust off those rusty strings just
one more time
Gonna make em shine

It all rolls into one
and nothing comes for free
There’s nothing you can hold
for very long
And when you hear that song
come crying like the wind
It seems like all this life
was just a dream
Stella Blue

 

“Out of all the musical instruments, why does the drum speak to you most?”

I think that on the most basic level the drum speaks to all of us the most. Rhythm is one of the fundamental principles of life. All things have rhythm, vibration, a continuous cyclical nature. It is a connection with our heartbeat, which is the basis for life itself — if we are not beating, we no longer exist. Playing a drum connects us with and reaffirms our relationship with the rhythmic nature of the universe and our own most powerful connection with the essence of life.

However, believe it or not I wouldn’t necessarily call drums my favorite instruments. I am fascinated by the universal nature of percussion instruments in general — they are common to all cultures since the dawn of time, and they come in so many varieties, influenced by the cultures, climates and environments that created them. I have collected quite a few percussion instruments, and enjoy playing them, but I began my musical education with keyboards, which will always be my first love. I have  a real fascination with electronic technology, especially in the realm of keyboards. I have also noodled around with a vaiety of string instruments, including harp, guitar and upright bass.

But for sheer listening pleasure, the one instrument that moves me the most is the saxophone. Specifically Tenor Sax, the classic Blues Horn.

“what is your favorite memory from high school?”

That’s a hard one. I didn’t have very good experiences in high school. Most of the good memories from those years are either from outside of school or during summer vacation. Do the days I skipped school with friends count? I had some good times then.  One memory that stands out was when I helped a friend lift the back end of her motorcycle up over the curb so she could drive it into the school building and down the hallways…it was fun watching the vice-principle chase her. (remember, I went to school in the early 70′s — this sort of thing could never happen now — the motorcycle couldn’t pass the metal detectors)

and also commented: “I alway ask what colors people like. I am not sure, but now that I think about it – it is a strange question to ask!”

Not a strange question at all. Since each color has a distinct vibrational energy, and colors are so intimately connected with emotions and evocative of so many associations, a person’s favorite color can reveal a lot. It shows what sort of state a person feels comfortable in, or aspires to…

“if you ABSOLUTELY could not live where you do any longer, including the state, where would you choose to live?”

Hmm. If I could choose to live anywhere, it would be England, in the countryside. Somewhere around where the BBC sitcom “The Last of the Summer Wine” is filmed. But that would create a problem because I would be separated from my brother.

Probably if/when we move from here, as Bernie wants to do when he retires in aother 6 years or so, we will be moving to Delaware. My brother is also planning on moving there, so hopefully we will be geographically close again. We want to live somewhere near the shore (All of Delaware is near the shore, even moreso than NJ) and the winters are just a tad milder there. The cost of living is much lower, too, but we will still be close enough to the major metro areas to not miss out on cultural stuff.

“was that profile picture taken in Lindenwold?”

No, it was taken in Palmer Square, in Princeton, in 1994, at an arts festival I performed at with my short-lived improvisational drum group, “The Heart of the Rainbow Rhythm Band” I have a link on my sidebar over there <=== to an entry I wrote about this picture and my drum collection.

on 7/6/2004 at 2:46 PM Dreadpirate commented:

“Great open blog! Super job.

Sail on… sail on!!!”

Aw, gee, captain, you dissapoint me. Haven’t you any questions for this sailor? Don’t you want to dredge up a deep dark secret or two?

Like I said before, I am enjoying this tremendously. I like having inspiration for things to write about, and I am in an uncharacteristic mood to open up and talk about the really “deep” stuff about myself. I don’t know how much longer this will last, so I am making this the Last Call. If you have more questions to ask of me, Dear Readers, here is your chance! I promise to answer any questions left for me as soon as possible. After that, it will be back to boring details about my home improvement projects again.  

This is such fun!

I posted this in my last entry:

“I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about.
Then post this in your Xanga and find out what people don’t know about you.”

Well, I have been getting some pretty interesting questions — some which are inspiring me to perhaps spend more time on them than just a quick answer — real good material for future blogging, I think.

But for now I will just go through the questions left in my comments so far:

on 7/1/2004 at 10:41 AM lizard_goddess asked:

“What is your favorite food?”

that’s an easy one — strawberries - preferably vine ripe, locally grown, sweet, juicy New Jersey strawberries. I like the small sweet ones better than some of those oversized less flavorable ones you buy in the grocery stores. and if you add some fresh whipped cream I am positively in HEAVEN!

“…and what is your favorite color”

grey.

on 7/1/2004 at 5:53 PM scrr asked:

“How do you regard your dogs more; as (substitute) children, or as pets?”

This is one of those questions with a pretty complex answer. In many ways, the dogs help to fill a certain emptiness that being childless leaves me with, most basically because they are approximately the same size and weight as newborns humans (only furrier) and this does have a strong subconscious effect on the basic biological maternal instincts when you hold them in your arms. But I don’t really think of them as children, as little baby humans in fur coats. They are definitely a part of the family, but the relationship is far more complex. They are adult animals, and have minds of their own, but they are still subordinate to the humans in the household. We have become far more aware of the natural canine “pack relationships” since we have had two dogs, and of the similarities between that and the human family dynamic. In the sense of being responsible for their safety and well-being, they are like children to us, but they are also protective of us and know their place in the family order (while still occasionally testing boundaries, just like humans, too) We teach them what they need to do to fit into our lifestyle, but they pick up so much on their own, far more and far more quickly than a human child would because we are the center of their attention and their senses are all so much more finely tuned than ours. We also understand that they have a certain instinctual “rulebook” they were born with. In that respect we can also learn a lot from them and the wisdom and complexity which nature has provided them with never ceases to awe us. 

I got this great idea from scrr, so here’s your chance to:

ASK AWAY!

This is the problem with Xanga, we all think we are so close, and we know nothing about each other. I’m going to rectify it.

I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about.

Then post this in your Xanga and find out what people don’t know about you.

Taking it easy…

Dolly, doing what she does best

I am on a bit of a hiatus from all but the most minimal of maintenance chores (like watering plants and emptying/filling the dishwasher) I needed a break, my knees needed a break, my back needed a break, and since Bernie’s vacation is coming up, I didn’t want to start anything that was going to cause frustration by frantically trying to complete it before his vacation.

But I didn’t expect this kind of a break.

You see, I put myself out of commision. Monday afternoon I decided to pick up the scraper and pop a few more of the old brittle tiles off the breezeway floor. I was scaping away at a few particularly stubborn ones when my hand slipped and the sharp corner of a broken tile gouged the end of my thumb, right under the nail at one corner. Took a big chunk out, and left a piece of skin just partly attached. I think it did some damage in the nail bed, too, from the looks of things. It hurt like hell, but silly me, I kept working for a minute or two, until I noticed how much blood was gushing out. Then I went in, doused it with peroxide and polysporin, and bandaged it.

Crap.

You know how hard it is to do anything with a damaged and bandaged right thumb? And I am right handed, mostly, but fortunately a bit on the ambidextrous side so I can make up for it a little with the left. But I don’t want to risk getting it wet or dirty and infected. It is in such an odd place,it is hard to bandage and I know will be one of those slow injuries to heal.

Damn.

That puts the kibosh on scrubbing the rest of my cabinets, painting, doing anything in the dirt, and a lot of the other little things I had hoped to knock off my to-do list. but I don’t think the dogs will get out of their bath, I bought a big bag of disposable latex gloves when we went out errand shopping monday night. I should be able to put one of those on and it will work for long enough to give the filthy mutts a scrub tomorrow.

Well, at least we have a lot of errands and things to do in preparation for our next trip to camp. Monday night we got a new propane tank, so that will take care of one problem. We had run out of propane and had the old style tanks, which can no longer be legally refilled. That meant no hot water or cooking on the stove.

Next, we have to buy a new refrigerator for the trailer. The old one died, and we are not going to pay for an electric/gas RV fridge since they are so expensive and the trailer is just parked permanently anyway. We are looking for a small household fridge that will fit inthe alcove the trailer fridge is in. It is going to be interesting trying to shove a new one in there, but apparently people do it all the time. Several of our neighbors with old trailers have done the same thing, and Bernie was gathering all sorts of helpful tips from them on saturday and sunday when we were at camp for a quick overnite visit.

Hopefully my thumb will heal a bit before we go to camp. The only activity I am looking forward to on this trip, other than relaxing and reading my book, is getting into the pool. We have been to camp twice this season and I didn’t get to go swimming yet. I don’t care that much if I don’t get out in the kayak, and I am leaving my bicycle home until my knee feels better, but that pool is calling me. I guess I will just have to use some waterproof tape over my bandage.

I would really be able to enjoy my enforced “rest break” now if it wasn’t for this thing hurting like a, well, a SORE THUMB!  Today it is feeling a bit better, I guess that is a good sign. Monday night I couldn’t even sleep. I could definitely sleep now.

I think a nap actually sounds like a really good idea…

Wake me if anything interesting happens.

You asked for it!

Bernie just took this picture for you a few minutes ago –

The New Hairdo

with Pearl and Dolly on the patio

I was squinting a bit with the sun in my eyes, and a stray strand of hair blew into my mouth, but at least you can see how much shorter it is.

The color differences are not quite this radical from light to dark as they appear in this photo, there was a bit of a shadow coming from over the left side of my face. But the ends are definitely auburn and the rest is definitely naturally frosted salt-and-pepper ash. (sounds better than plain old grey, huh?)

I told you it really was no big deal. It is a lot shorter and feels really different, but it just went from straight flat and long to straight flat and shorter, that’s all.

Oh, and BTW, in case you can’t tell, I really don’t like having my picture taken. I don’t photograph very well. This was the best of about 1/2 dozen shots Bernie took tonight.

a few pictures:

(what you have all been waiting for)

The Kitchen Floor – “Dining Room” side

(more photos of other side to come later)

<– before (that’s the new stove parked there) and during (contractor laying plywood base) –>

new floor! so much brighter and cleaner!

The Backyard

looking toward patio area — new shrubs (arborvitae) and flowerbed next to house, regraded – now it slopes away from the house – and re-seeded section of lawn (and the ubiquitous little yellow sprinkler – we have had very little rain this month)

the other side of the backyard – the bamboo grove is in the (eastern) corner – when it grows it will block the view of the big house behind us

The Bamboo Grove

the east corner of the yard — finally finished!

there are 8 bamboo plants here – believe me! you can just make out a few of them in the picture, 4 of them are leafed out and fence-high, they are all growing quickly and making new shoots almost daily

the low bench, two solar lights and concrete buddha (sitting on a big slab of native red shale we dug out of the yard) complete the picture. I moved the buddha from the flowerbed on the other side of the house, but we may buy a larger one for this spot in the future

another view – Dolly likes this spot, too

the bench is low enough for the dogs to easily get up on it,

and it is becoming one of her favorite places

The Enchanted Forest

my personal pet project on the shady northeast side of the yard

entrance gate to The Enchanted Forest -

patio block pavers under the gate, fragrant evergreen jasmine vines growing on fence…

this end of the house is my bedroom — so one side window looks out over the enchanted forest, the other over the patio and the two windows between the new arborvitaes are the windows facing my bed – great view of entire back yard

my hammock will hang between the poles, this is also where the trench will be dug for the electricity to the cabana, and the water lines are being hooked up (note the wheelbarrow)

two views from the other direction – this is the greenest and nicest lawn in the entire property, too

detail of space under the flowering crabapple trees —

where a group of forest creatures play drums while two flying pigs dance  

the little green plant is a very special one – “umbrella bamboo” (fargesia murieliae) a shade-loving clumping (non-invasive) bamboo that grows with a very graceful weeping silhouette and will get to be about 8 feet tall and wide, completing the private, secluded look of this area

There is still a lot to do in the backyard, but since the yard is undergoing such major rennovation, we are dividing it into smaller, more maneagable projects. As you can see, most of this spring’s projects are close to completion in the back. The front yard projects are done for now, but those pictuires will be coming at a later date. Also more pictures to come of the kitchen and other interior stuff, and my patio planter gardens.

Oh yeah, and maybe, just maybe, a picture of my new haircut.

 Have a nice weekend everyone!

Today I got my hair all cut off.

I feel like Samson after Delilah was done with him.

“Samson and Delilah” – Peter Paul Rubens

I finished scrubbing down that section of kitchen cabinets — squeaky clean, so clean you could eat off ‘em (but that wouldn’t work very well because you couldn’t really put food on a vertical surface, but, well, you know what I mean…) And I did a couple of loads of laundry. Figured that was enough houework for the day so I headed out on my errands. It was well into the later part of the afternoon when I got to Target, where Bernie had asked me to pick up some t-shirts for him, and left me his credit card to do so, and get toothpaste and whatever cleaning supplies and stuff I needed for the house. Real exciting stuff, I’ll tell ya, but such is my life.  Anyway, it was a good excuse to do some recreational shopping.

I called Bernie from Target to tell him which colors were available in this particular type of t-shirt he wanted me to get. They are cotton, but a new “performance” style fabric made somehow with wicking properties like Cool-Max, but the feel of cotton. He got a couple a while ago and they have been a blessing for him trying to work on these hot days. A little while later he called me back, I was still noodling around the Target store, looking at the stuff on sale in the garden department. He said he was done work and would meet me there if I wanted to go get our haircuts. The Target store is in the neighboring shopping center to the Great Clips salon where he gets his hair cut, and only about 10 minutes away from his work.

So I met him at the snackbar in Target, and we put the purchases in the truck (which he was driving today) and rode together in the jeep to the hair place. It is kind of fun to do that, sorta like when we were single. A change of pace, I guess. Almost a mini-date

Well, we went to the salon, and naturally he was done before me, even though I went in first. I had my hair shampooed and then it had to be detangled and combed out. It was down to my waist, but was in pretty bad shape, desparately in need of help. Bernie is mostly bald, and gets what hair he has cut without a shampoo, so he was out of the chair before the stylist was ready to make the first cut.

I used to color my hair dark auburn, but decided I liked my grey about six months ago and to let it grow out in its silver-frosted medium brown color. I’d say it is more than 30% grey now, and a rather pretty shade, not yellowy at all. The ends were damaged from coloring, damaged from just being so long and fine, and all the paint and sweat and sun and so forth I have been torturing it with lately didn’t help it much. Then some of it started to fall out when I started on the thyroid meds. I had been forewarned about this, but that it is a temporary side effect of the meds and should grow back after the levels are adjusted and my body gets used to it. So a few weeks ago I decided I would just get it cut short and start fresh.

So Bernie took me by surprise today and we went to the salon before I could chicken out. Then when the stylist was ready to cut my hair, I told him to just tell her where to cut and I wouldn’t have to make the decision myself. So he pointed to a spot and said “that’s a good length”…

So off it came. Now, short hair on me, is not what some people would consider short. It is all relative, you know. Remember, I started with hair to my waist, and I admittedly have a hair fetish, and a “Rapunzel complex”  But, since my hair is naturally straight, fine and thin, having it grow this long was a rare accomplishment I have only achieved a couple of times in my life. But eventually everything must change. And like Bernie said “it will grow”…

It is a nice blunt cut. She really took her time, and made all the ends perfectly even. Gave it a lot of fullness. It is just below my shoulder, long enough to not get stuck down inside my collar when it is hot out (I hate that!) and long enough to still be able to put it in a short ponytail when I need it out of the way. Still some color on the ends that needs to grow out but it doesn’t look quite as 2-tone as before. A couple of trims and it will be gone.

And for the first time in years, my hair “flips” when I turn my head. Heeheehee….we girls just love to flip our hair.  I think the last time it was cut this short was about 6 years ago or so, when I decided to go from the blonde I had been favoring for years to a darker shade, and had a lot of damage to cut off first.

It feels odd, but better. The long hair was really starting to be a pain in the hot weather this year.

After we left the salon, we went to WalMart (same shopping center) and bought some more stuff. I got a pair of pink sparkly flip-flops for $1.74. Haven’t had a pair of flip-flops in years, because of my darned messed-up feet needing orthotics and good support. But these will be fun to wear to the pool. And flip-flops seem to be a fashion statement this year. I also got two books to read at camp. The next two in Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum books. They are my “camp reading” — I started on the series last year and even though they are not the type of book I usually read, I found them to be great fun, especially since they are set in the area where I have lived my whole life. I even got Bernie reading them! (he is not a fiction-reader) He is a couple of books behind me in the series, so it works out pretty well. I read them, and pass them down to him.  

We went to McD’s for Happy Meals, but they were out of the Neopets toys, and starting on a new promotion, so we had adult food instead. I tried the new “fiesta salad”. It wasn’t bad, but nowhere near as good as Taco Bell’s salads or Wendy’s Taco Salad. Not exactly diet food, but hey, it has some veggies in it! A step in the right direction, I’d say!

Sorry, still no photos, and I know you are just dying to see the new haircut  But the funny thing is, I didn’t even look in the mirror (except the quick glance at the front when I put my glasses back on at the salon before I got out of the chair) Not till after I came home, and watered the plant in the yard. Then I finally went in and checked out the new ‘do in the mirror. I told Bernie I must be the only woman in the world who can get a haircut and not even look at it in the mirror until a couple of hours later.

Well, if you have been reading what I have written here for a while, you might already know that my personal appearance is not one of my main priorities. Not that I am a slob or anything, I just don’t really make a big deal out of how I look. As long as I am relatively clean, sorta neat and my clothes cover anything that could get me put in jail, and kinda match, I am ok. Comfortable and pleasing to me is all that matters. I love pretty colors, good feeling fabrics and like looking at fashion and stuff, but never really allot much time to “fixing myself up” unless I am going somewhere special. I have a huge collection of cosmetics — lotions and potions, nail products and makeup, but more because I just like the pretty colors and sparkly stuff than how it will improve my appearance. When I do get around to actually using them it is more to please myself than anything else.

Guess that goes for my hair, too.

Maybe I am just a strange bird. Could be why I am so fond of ostriches.

Progress Report

Since my last entry, I have been concentrating on finishing up project around the house, and not starting anything new unless I am comitted to finishing it no matter what.

This is what I have been able to accomplish so far:

• 
  
  Bamboo Grove: finished filling with soil, planted final two plants, finished mulching, put up bench — DONE (except for the addition of 2 solar lights and a large buddha figure, which we still have to purchase — waiting for the end-of season sales)

• 
  
  Potted plants for patio: finished planting all that I had purchased, plus two tomato plants that “volunteered” in the compost pile — DONE (until I decide there are more flowers I simply must have)

• 
  
  New section of lawn in back yard: mowed for first time, and took down string I had put up to section it off while the seed sprouted — DONE (until I grade the next section, at which time I will re-seed the areas that are still fairly bare)

• 
  
  Front yard: finished planting and mulching, deadheaded rhododendrons, placed rocks, birdbath and other decorative elements, replaced three dead heather plants – DONE (until later in the summer when I will touch up mulch, and still not sure if the new heathers are going to survive — two of them look like they are dying already, I am temptted to just spray paint them green and forget them )

• 
  
  Hallway: finished painting baseboard, took up dropcloth, cleaned hardwood floor with Murphy’s Oil Soap, hung portrait of Bernie’s mom — DONE (except for hanging the rest of the “family gallery” which is a whole new project)

• 
  
  Kitchen tiles: replaced wall tiles which had fallen off behind stove — DONE

• 
  
  Kitchen – snackbar: scrubbed all woodwork, backsplash, counter and shelves, cleaned snackbar stools — DONE (except washing the teakettle, juicer and insulated carafe that live on the shelves — will be doing these along with the next load of dishes)

• 
  
  Kitchen – stove area: scrubbed woodwork, overhead cabinets, exhaust fan grille – DONE

• 
  
  Computer: installed PSP, started eBay auctions for ending next week – DONE (still a lot more to do, but breaking it down into individual tasks to preserve my sanity)

I got a lot done, but still have a lot more projects to finish, both of the started kind and the not started kind. Today I am tackling the stack of bills, and personal financial records. If I don’t end up with too big a headache from this, I will tackle the business paperwork I have been avoiding. I also plan on scrubbing the woodwork, backsplash, counter and shelves in another section of the kitchen.

And maybe I will get outside for a little while to work on the last remaining little section of the bed next to the bamboo grove – it is a really heavy-duty physical project, as was the bamboo grove, because the rocky soil has to be removed, sifted, augmented, and returned to the bed before the plants can go in and the mulch can go on. We got this bed done on sunday before we ran out of daylight, all except about a 2′ by 3′ piece of ground that still has to be dug up and planted with the one remaining daylily plant. This will complete the planting in the backyard, leaving just a lot of digging for drainage pipes, electric wires, and grading and replanting the lawn. We will have contractors helping with some of this, so my work schedule depends largely on them.

But I am feeling a lot better about stuff. It isn’t really that I beat myself up for having things unfinished, I am quite used to having lots of unfinished projects. The problem is more that I start so many projects, that I get overwhelmed at tring to finish them all. But as I was explaining in my last entry, I realized that I do this subconsciously as a way to avoid committing to actually finishing things, and risking putting that “DONE” stamp on something that is less than up to my (often unrealistic) standards of perfection. By making myself finish stuff, and not allowing myself to start anything new unless it si something I am going to finish right away, I am forcing myself to confront these fears and self-sabotaging behavior.

I think it’s working. I guess. Only time will tell, I suppose.

On another note, it is our 14th wedding anniversary today. No big plans, but we have a steaks for the grill, a nice green salad, and some baking potatoes that will go in the microwave (still no stove) Hopefully Bernie won’t have to work too late…

*** I almost forgot to mention something else I accomplished! — I made the “done” stamp that appears at the top of this entry on PSP today! my first GIF on my new graphics program!

**** update, 6:12 PM. Got a call this afternoon from Bernie. He wished me a happy anniversary (isn’t that sweet? he never in 14 years called from work to do that!) and then he told me that he is going to be pretty late. After he is done his own route, on overtime, the poor guy is helping deliver one of the worst mail routes in Princeton. I know this first hand, about how much of a pain in the butt that route is, because I used to get stuck on it all the time when I was a Princeton mail carrier, too. I think it was the route I was doing when I first started talking to Bernie at work. The rest, well, that’s history.

Too hot to work outdoors. We got less than 1/2″ of rain last night, so I have the sprinkler going again. I have to go out and hand water all the stuff on the patio and up by the house later – usually my after-dinner routine.

Dinner will be late, so I went out and picked up a late lunch at McDonalds’ drive thru. I have been getting the kids’ Happy Meals the last couple of weeks, because they are cheap and because they are having a NeoPets toy promotion. Tomorrow is the last day for Neopets at McD’s, and I have eaten 5 cheeseburger happy meals in the last 2 weeks, and still haven’t gotten one of the NeoPets that I wanted

I have two NeoPets accounts, and between the two I have 7 pets. Of these, two are among the fifteen pets being given away as part of the Happy Meal promotion (and each of them comes in a variety of colors). I have been hoping to get a Shoyru (it is a dragon-type creature, mine is red) or an Ixi (it’s like a goat, I have a green one) but I got a yellow Quiggle (a frog-type critter) a blue Chomby (it’s a dinosaur) and three, count ‘em, THREE Grundos (an alien creature — they are sort of cute, but I didn’t really want three of them! oh well, at least they are all different colors…)

Well, there is still tomorrow. I think maybe I will go to a different McDonalds for lunch when I do my Thursday errands. Thursday is my day for running around on errands, and I usually include some recreational shopping and lunch or breakfast out in my agenda for the day. Maybe the McDonalds at WalMart will have different NeoPets. Now I just have to figure out what I need from the WalMart shopping center…

As for my projects today – I finished the bills, and since I record my payments on a document I print out from Word Perfect, which I lost with everything else in the old computer, I also installed Word Perfect (knock one more thing off the computer task list) and re-formatted my monthly bill payment page.

Now I just have that corner of the kitchen on my to-do list for today, but if it doesn’t get done today I can tackle it tomorrow morning.

Cocktails, anyone?

and a startling realization, too.

…

I have seen this “personality cocktail” recipe generator all over Xanga lately, but when I tried it with my username, it came out full of anger and lustfulness. Either that is not an accurate description of myself, or it simply addresses facets of my personality that I just don’t want to deal with, so I tried again with my real name, and this is what I got: